Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
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so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
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The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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