The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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