The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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