Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
