for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
