Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
PANTIES FOUND
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