WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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