remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just invented taco cereal.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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