I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
