your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
