I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
