no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
