Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
