Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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