What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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