it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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