I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
