I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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