new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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