Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
