She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
