Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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