i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
