At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
