I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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