there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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