I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
