I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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