I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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