I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
