This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, jail baloney is awful.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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