How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
