I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
