i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
