The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
