we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
