I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
