she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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