garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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