My girlfriend figured out who you are.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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