it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Im part way to drunk.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
