Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
