My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
is it fun? or sober?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
