He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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