There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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