I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
