I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
