NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
