i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
