Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
