Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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