Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
