I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
