Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
