I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
