I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
