During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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