just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
