his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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