I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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