I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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