i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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