We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
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