Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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