ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
