I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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