I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
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Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
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Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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