I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
